Everyone's Complaining About the Cold. I'm Just Glad It's Not Summer

max

Admin

posted on 1 year ago

Everyone's Complaining About the Cold. I'm Just Glad It's Not Summer

Ever have one of those relatives you thought was full of crap? You know. The kind who would regale you with stories, but there’d always be that moment when the tale took a hard left into the realm of “yeah, right."

And so it was with my Uncle Jason. This was eighteen million lifetimes ago when he was the first of our family to relocate to Las Vegas from our current home in Walnut Creek, California. One particular memory that has stayed with me is one occasion when, after having moved to Las Vegas, my Uncle visited us back in California and tried telling us all about the “craziness” of Las Vegas weather. After telling us an obviously untrue story about how it would rain without a cloud in the sky, he described the heat and what the city was like during the summer months. I don’t remember the exact words, but how he talked about Vegas in the summer made me envision a cityscape engulfed in flames with rippling tides of desert-heat-induced mirages blanketing the entire city. And then, as if his “Las Vegas is the equivalent of hell” description wasn’t enough, he finished the story by telling us that it was so hot in the summer that you could get a nosebleed from the heat out of nowhere. I remember thinking that I never wanted to move, let alone visit, a city that's like Hell with slot machines. When my uncle was describing Las Vegas summer to us, I thought he was lying (this particular uncle, unfortunately, usually was). He wasn't. A short time after this horror story of Las Vegas weather was regaled to us, the rest of my family moved to the 702. Now, at the age of 38, I can confidently say that the summer in Las Vegas is one of the worst things on the planet. I’ve heard people from different parts of the country argue and claim that the summer weather where they’re from is worse because of the humidity factor. No way. These summer months in Las Vegas might fry your skin. This last summer was 2023, the most disgusting, grueling, insufferable, unbearable, oppressive, soul-crushing, hotter-than-the-surface-of-the-sun summer that I’ve ever had to experience and suffer through in all my time in Las Vegas. It was so bad that I had to change my smoking schedule. And since you, dear reader, and I aren’t friends or familiar with each other’s vices, you would know that nothing would get in the way of my Newport 100 smoke break. And I mean nothing. Last summer, however, I actually had to look up the day’s forecast and plan my cigarette accordingly. And it gets worse. Some people are crazy enough to walk their dog in the 112-degree heat on boiling-hot asphalt or cement!

This last one is probably my number one gripe about summer in Vegas and why I’m so relieved that we have another four months before awful weather returns. Is there a remedy? Of course! Get a pair of booties for your dog if you bring them on your Vegas vacation. They'll feel like the best-dressed kid on the first day of school instead of like they're in hell. So, if you're coming to Las Vegas in the summer, stay inside. Get an Uber to travel between casinos instead of walking and sweating through your clothes. And remember your dogs! On that note, Happy No More Summer, Everyone!!! Stay safe out there. :-) Mikey