“Show me a gambler and I’ll show you a loser.” -Mario Puzo
Ever been to DisneyLand? I have. But only once in my life when I was 6 (mind you, I’m now 40, ugh). So needless to say I don’t remember much of the experience. But from what I’ve read online on chat forums and discussion boards, it looks like the happiest place on earth isn’t all that happy due to colossal wait times that families have to endure while waiting for their turn to ride whatever their screaming something-year-old is effectively presenting her case to the jury that if he/she doesn’t get to ride said ride (and soon) then they will show their parents what real screaming it…for every second of the remainder of their trip to “the happiest place on earth.”
While the marketing campaign with aforementioned slogan is, and continue s to be, probably one of the most effective and impression-lasting one in American history, for those who have been in the trenches and have actually experienced this “happiest place on earth” for themselves, I can guarantee that, if surveyed, those seasoned veterans of having to wear that god-forsaken mouse hat while keeping their infant child happy and entertained will, across the board, attest to the fact that the trip, the park, the stress, the lines, the waiting, the summer heat (depending on what season they’ve visited in), the screaming, and the completely pointless and infuriating “line pass” (which don’t end up being any sort of short-cut or pass at all) are all going to be that one “vacation” that they will never subject themselves or anybody else to again as the entire ordeal was anything but happy. This, folks, is what I would refer to as “insider’s dirt.”
That being said, I’ve got some additional insider’s dirt for you about the Holy Grail of topics most tourists are eager to have someone, an insider [like me] shared with them about the Holy Grail of Vegas-related topics: gambling. Because, as it turns out, just because you see a gaming machine in front of you, regardless of the location, most certainly does not mean you are going to hit it big with just that first button press, lever pull, or the inevitable increase to “Max Bet” that everybody inadvertently decides to pull “go big or go home” maneuver. Surprise: it [almost] never works. Mainly at the following locations aka “Mikey’s Top Hated Places to Gamble.” Ready? Let’s goooo!!!!
Dotty’s: As I’ve grown older, the list of sh*t that pisses me off continues to have new items added to the roster. But there’s one staple item that has been on that last for as far back as the first I ever sat down at a Dotty’s to lose my money in two seconds. Oops, I mean “as far back as the first time I sat down at a Dotty’s to gamble.” Why? Because taking into account the number of times I’ve tried my luck at various locations and the frequency and number of times I’ve heard some friend or another say they won a ridiculous amount of money on a jackpot there, you’d think that I would’ve encountered SOME sort of luck when those video poker machines would dish out the cards I didn’t hold while playing my [go-to] Double Double Bonus Poker. But of the million times I’ve been in there, that place only served to take all my money. Their one redeeming quality is the price of cigarettes there are dirt cheap. But other than that, at the risk of being hate-mailed or sued, take your gaming business elsewhere.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dotty%27s
The Airport: While most people are hit with gambling fever in Las Vegas from the very moment they descend that escalator into baggage claim as the floor in Harry Reid International Airport features rows and rows of gaming machines lined up like a firing squad, what nobody wants the unsuspecting tourist to know is that the likelihood of actually hitting a jackpot at any of these machines has the same probability of happening as a torrential downpour and subsequent flood of the entire Las Vegas valley has…in July. I’ve been here since I was 9 (ps, I’m now 40) and of that entire span of residency here, I can honestly tell you I recall hearing about a significant jackpot being hit at the airport once. That being said, remember this: airport gaming machines have been programmed to take any amount of money you insert into those machines, no matter the increment of bill, and leave you empty handed and broke 99.9% of the time. In other words: just don’t gamble at the airport for any reason. https://www.shutterstock.com/image-generated/commercial-airplane-flying-seattle-las-vegas-2507217515
Anywhere at or near the casinos at State Line: The appeal of gambling and all the gaming machines to be found at the two casinos located at Stateline (the “line” being the line drawn between Nevada and California) are especially brothers and sisters to the machines you’d find at the airport up above in the last listed item. I say this because of the splattering of times I decided to try my luck at a machine at all three of the main casino locations to be found there (Buffalo Bill’s, Primm Valley, and Hotel California) the only thing I can report back to you is that each of those locations did nothing but steal my money (as well as well as the money of my friends that had banded together with me in a vain attempt to “hit it big”). The only positive experience I can honestly remember having as at the Primm Valley Resort and Casino back in I believe 2009 when my [then] best-friend and I had, on a total whim the night before, decided to pull all our resources together and make an emergency drive out to LA to attend EDC that year (MUCH fun was had let me tell you). But on the way out, my friend insisted we stop at one of the casinos because she was horrendously hung over. And, in case you didn’t know the fastest way to return to somewhat normal functioning when hung over on an epic level is to well…drink more. So we stopped, she had her Bloody Mary, and almost instantaneously rejoined the land of the living and was fine a few minutes later. But it sure as f*ck wasn’t from sitting down at a gaming machine and inserting every last dollar bill we had into said machine. https://www.reviewjournal.com/uncategorized/once-state-line-primm-the-proper-name-since-1996/
So there you have it. I know the majority of revenue that this city pulls in (both for tourists and for locals) stems primarily from the gaming industry. But in closing, and despite the lawsuit or the assassination attempt I may earn from badmouthing the fact that the above mentioned locations are the establishments I personally avoid unless I feel like feeding all my month into a machine and getting absolutely nothing in return, those are my top three locations I recommend staying away from as you’d have exponentially higher chances of actually winning at least a bit of money at many other establishments across both the entire city as well as on the Strip itself.
Now go out there and win some money!!! Stay safe out there.
